How might a Stoic drink her coffee?

A Stoic would likely drink her coffee quite strong with very little milk (if any).  There would be absolutely no sugar.  She would drink her coffee strong so she would have just enough anxiety to test herself against her anxious proto-passions.  She would have very little milk as not to dilute the bitterness of her coffee.  The bitterness reminds her of the adversity she must overcome in life.  The high caffeine content will increase her alertness and focus and allow her to use her hegemonikon more acutely when making her daily decisions.  That’s how a Stoic would drink her coffee and she might have three or even four servings of it, depending on how strong.

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Why did philosophers of different schools cross the road?

Why did the Epicurean cross the road? Atoms randomly swerving made her do it.

Why did the Stoic cross the road? Because of rigid determinism.

Why did the Cynic cross the road? To go to the market place and shamelessly publicly masturbate.

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12 Reasons Jordan Peterson is Not a Stoic

12 Reasons Why Jordan B. Peterson is not a Stoic

1. He believes the universe is balanced between chaos and order. Stoics believed in an orderly universe.

2. He doesn’t believe that reason is what makes humans significant or important. The Stoics believed that reason was the most important human faculty. Instead, JB Peterson believes creativity is the most important.

3. He believes there are strong differences between men and women. Stoics believed that women and men were more or the less the same due to sharing reason as their faculty.

4. He makes a false dichotomy between equal opportunity and equal outcomes. The Stoics believed in some form of wealth redistribution or even radical material equality like in Zeno’s Republic.

5. JB Peterson is radically individualist. The Stoics were moderately collectivist.

6. Peterson believes responsibility is the answer to nihilism. The Stoics believe virtue is the answer to nihilism.

7. Peterson believes in a collective unconsciousness of archetypes. The Stoics believed in a material universe full of Logos.

8. Peterson is a Judeo-Christian in orientation. The Stoics were Greco-Roman in orientation.

9. Peterson is more Aristotelian than Stoic. Peterson believes you need certain externals to live a fruitful life.

10. Peterson believes in libertarian free will. The Stoics are compatibilist.

11. Peterson uses anger as a way to create change. The Stoics don’t believe in using anger.

12. Peterson’s concept of the Logos is Christian. Logos is Christ. The Stoics use the old Heraclitian concept of the Logos.